(April 23rd to 29th)

Format: Triple

‘For pity’s sake, try to stand up without leanin’ against each other, you blear-eyed, herrin’-gutted gutter-snipes. It’s no pleasure to me to comb you out. That ought to have been done before you came here, you—you Militia broom-stealers!’


This is from “The Flag of their Country” in Stalky & Co..

A Cadet Corps is being formed at the Coll. where boys aiming for the army can learn their drill. Here ‘Stalky’ is treating his fellow cadets to a few well-chosen words before drilling them. Later the whole project goes sour when an appalling visiting M.P. praises the Corps, and treats the school to a farrago of bogus patriotism.

‘You call yourself a man. I’ve seen a better man than you made outer chewed paper with no gum ! You get outer my keb, you rusty-‘aired, slink-jawed, pick-nosed, gin-faced son of a broken-down four-wheeler. G’out !’


This is from “The Battle of Rupert Square”, uncollected until Vol. XXIX of the Sussex Edition, but available on this site.

A cab driver refuses to take a fare, and a battle between driver and passenger ensues, ending in the wrecking of the cab. They turn out to be brothers.

‘You’re a damned trencher-scrapin’, napkin-carryin’, shillin’—seekin’, up—an’—down—stairs…’


This is from “The Propagation of Knowledge” in Debits amd Credits.

The Army Class are studying 18th Century literature with King, and Beetle, languorous after a swim. is dropping asleep. To goad him into saying something entertaining, Howell, at the neighbouring desk, utters this classic quotation from Marryat’s novel. Peter Simple.