Ford o’ Kabul River

1 
Kabul town's by Kabul river - 
   Blow the bugle, draw the sword - 
There I lef' my mate for ever, 
   Wet an' drippin' by the ford. 
       Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
           Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
      There's the river up and brimmin',
           An' there's 'arf a squadron swimmin'
          'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. 
2 
Kabul town's a blasted place - 
   Blow the bugle, draw the sword - 
'Strewth I sha'n't forget 'is face 
   Wet an' drippin' by the ford!
      Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
            Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! 
      Keep the crossing-stakes beside you, 
            An' they will surely guide you 
           'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. 
3 
Kabul town is sun and dust - 
   Blow the bugle, draw the sword - 
I'd ha' sooner drownded fust 
  'Stead of 'im beside the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river, 
           Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
       You can 'ear the 'orses threshin', 
           You can 'ear the men a-splashin',
          'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. 
4 
Kabul town was ours to take - 
   Blow the bugle, draw the sword - 
I'd ha' left it for 'is sake - 
  'Im that left me by the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
            Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
       It's none so bloomin' dry there; 
            Ain't you never comin' nigh there,
           'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark?  
5 
Kabul town'll go to hell - 
   Blow the bugle, draw the sword - 
'Fore I see him 'live an' well - 
  'Im the best beside the ford.
       Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
           Ford o' Kabul river in the dark!
       Gawd 'elp 'em if they blunder, 
           For their boots'll pull 'em under,
           By the ford o' Kabul river in the dark. 
6 
Turn your 'orse from Kabul town - 
   Blow the bugle, draw the sword - 
'Im an' 'arf my troop is down, 
   Down an' drownded by the ford. 
       Ford, ford, ford o' Kabul river,
           Ford o' Kabul river in the dark! 
       There's the river low an' fallin', 
           But it ain't no use o' callin'
          'Cross the ford o' Kabul river in the dark.

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The Flight of the Bucket

Pre-admonisheth the writer! 
H'm, for a subject it is well enough! 
Who wrote 'Sordello" finds no subject tough.

Well, Jack and Jill—God knows the life they led 
(The poet never told us, more's the pity)
Pent up in some damp kennel of their own, 
Beneath the hillside; but it once befell
That Jack or Jill, niece, cousin, uncle, aunt
(Some one of all the brood) would wash or scour—
Rinse out a cess-pit, swab the kennel floor,
And water (liquor vitae, Lawson calls,
But I'll hold by whisky. Never mind;
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, sir,
And missed the scrap o' blue at buttonhole—)
Spring water was the needful at the time,
So they must climb the hill for't. Well and good.
We all climb hills, I take it, on some quest,
Maybe for less than stinking (I forgot!
I mean than wholesome) water . . . Ferret out 
The rotten bucket from the lumber-shed,
Weave ropes and splice the handle—off they go 
To where the cold spring bubbles up i' the cleft,
And sink the bucket brimful in the spate.
Then downwards—hanging back? (You bet your life 
The girl's share fell upon Jack's shoulders.) Down, 
Down to the bottom—all but—trip, slip, squelch!
And guggle-guggle goes the bucketful
Back to the earth, and Jack's a broken head,
And swears amid the heather does our Jack.
(A man would swear who watched both blood and bucket, 
One dripping down his forehead, t'other fled,
Clinkety-tinkle, to the stones below,
A good half-hour's trudge to get it back.)
Jack therefore, as I said, exploded straight 
In brimstone-flavoured language. You, of course,
Maintain he bore it calmly—not a bit. 
A good bucolic curse that rent the cliffs
And frightened for a moment quaking Jill
Out of the limp, unmeaning girl's tee-hee
That womankind delight in. . . . Here we end 
The first verse—there's a deal to study in't. 
A cosmic force that blunders into right,
Just when the strained sense hints at revolution 
Because the world's great fly-wheel runs aslant—
And up go Jill's red kibes. (You think I'm wrong;
And Fate was napping at the time; perhaps
You're right.) We'll call it Devil's agency
That sent the shrieking sister on her head,
And knocked the tangled locks against the stones.
Well, down went Jill, but wasn't hurt. Oh, no! 
The Devil pads the world to suit his own,
And packs the cards according. Down went Jill 
Unhurt. And Jack trots off to bed, poor brute,
Fist welted into eyeball, mouth agape
For yelling, your bucolic always yells,— 
And out of his domestic pharmacy
Rips forth the cruet-stand, upsets the cat, 
And ravages the store-room for his balm. 
Eureka!—but he didn't use that word—
A pound of candles, corpse-like, side by side, 
Wrapped up in his medicament. Out, knife!
Cut string, and strip the shrouding from the lot! 
Steep swift and jam it on the gaping cut;
Then bedward—cursing man and fiends alike.

Now back to Jill. She wasn't hurt, I said, 
And all the woman's spite was up in arms.
So Jack's abed. She slips, peeks through the door, 
And sees the split head like a luggage-label, 
Halved, quartered, on the pillow. 'Ee-ki-ree,
Tee-hee-hee-hee', she giggles through the crack, 
Much as the Roman ladies grinned—don't smile—
To see the dabbled bodies in the sand
Appealing to their benches for a sign.
Down thumbs, and giggle louder–so did Jill.
But mark now! Comes the mother round the door, 
Red-hot from climbing up the hill herself,
And caught the graceless giggler. Whack! flack! whack! 
Here's Nemesis whichever way you like!
She didn't stop to argue. Given a head 
Broken, a woman chuckling at the door,
And here's your circumstantial evidence complete. 
Whack! while Jack sniffs and sniggers from the bed. 
I like that horny-handed mother o' Jill.
The world's best women died, sir, long ago. 
Well, Jack's avenged; as for the other, gr-r-r-r!

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The First Day Back

The first day back, ay bitter cold it was.
And I tho' rugged and wrappered was a-cold,
Like boilèd spinach, was the playground grass,
Yellow our boots, y-clogged with goosey mould.
Malarious vapours over Goosey rolled.
Stale bread, bad butter, filled our hungry maw, 
Damp were the sheets, huddled in frousty fold, 
Loud forcèd laughter shook the form room floor 
And pale and pinchèd boys peered down the corridor.

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The Fires

1 
Men make them fires on the hearth
  Each under his roof-tree, 
And the Four Winds that rule the earth
  They blow the smoke to me.
2 
Across the high hills and the sea
   And all the changeful skies,
The Four Winds blow the smoke to me
  Till the tears are in my eyes.
3 
Until the tears are in my eyes
  And my heart is wellnigh broke
For thinking on old memories
  That gather in the smoke.
4 
With every shift of every wind
  The homesick memories come,
From every quarter of mankind
  Where I have made me a home.
5 
Four times afire against the cold
   And a roof against the rain—
Sorrow fourfold and joy fourfold
   The Four Winds bring again!
6 
How can I answer which is best
  Of all the fires that burn?
I have been too often host or guest
   At every fire in turn.
7 
How can I turn from any fire,
  On any man’s hearthstone?
I know the wonder and desire
  That went to build my own!
8 
How can I doubt man’s joy or woe
   Where’er his house-fires shine,
Since all that man must undergo
  Will visit me at mine?
9 
Oh, you Four Winds that blow so strong
   And know that this is true,
Stoop for a little and carry my song
  To all the men I knew!
10 
Where there are fires against the cold,
   Or roofs against the rain
With love fourfold and joy fourfold,
  Take them my songs again!

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The Fairies’ Siege

I have been given my charge to keep–
Well have I kept the same!
Playing with strife for the most of my life,
But this is a different game.
I'll not fight against swords unseen,
Or spears that I cannot view–
Hand him the keys of the place on your knees–
'Tis the Dreamer whose dreams come true!

Ask him his terms and accept them at once.
Quick, ere we anger him, go!
Never before have I flinched from the guns,
But this is a different show.
I'll not fight with the Herald of God
(I know what his Master can do!)
Open the gate, he must enter in state,
'Tis the Dreamer whose dreams come true!

I'd not give way for an Emperor,
I'd hold my road for a King–
To the Triple Crown I would not bow down–
But this is a different thing.
I'll not fight with the Powers of Air,
Sentry, pass him through!
Drawbridge let fall, 'tis the Lord of us all,
The Dreamer whose dreams come true!

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The Faithful Soul

1 
In the nethermost silo of Sheol, where Lawyers and Editors fry, 
Was the soul of a turbulent pressman who had lately decided to die. 
He had fought on the Exodus Question, and fought on the losing side,
So fired one white-hot leader—then fired a pistol and died.
2 
In the nethermost silo of Sheol he settled himself at his ease,
For Sheol is Shiloh to those who have laboured a public to please
And the roar of the Great Blast-Furnace was sweet to his jaded brain,
For it seemed like the hum of the press-room he never need enter again.
3 
But peace is forbidden in Sheol; and, after an aeon or so,
The heart of the turbulent pressman was filled with an old-time woe—
With the fine, fierce ardour of conflict that harried his spirit on earth,
And he howled:—'I will settle the Question in the ultimate home of its birth.'
4 
As a war-horse answers the bugle, or wild hawk stoops to its prey,
On the lines of the Exodus Question the Editor started the fray;
And proved to the joy of the Devils, in argument terse and clear,
The crime of remaining in Heaven for twelve months out of a year.
5 
He showed–while the spirits applauded—how most of their torments were bred,
Through 'want of touch' and 'the absence of a permanent, resident head'.
He dwelt on the value of Sheol, which some were disposed to deny—
And scoffed at the Capuan playground, as he scoffed in the days gone by.
6 
Though praising the present direction—since Satan deserved much thanks,
For his note on the Sub-Committee's report of the Kerosine Tanks—
His duty towards his fellows and conscience compelled him to state
The staff of subordinate Devils was slack and inadequate.
7 
This rose from the crass indifference displayed by the Powers above,
In the state of the Lower Province, as he was prepared to prove.
By way of clinching the question, he quoted the ruling dry,
On a third reminder from Dives, re roadways and water-supply.
8 
Then, getting abreast of his business, an eloquent hour he spent 
On showing that Sheol was made for the seat of the Government. 
And, such is the force of statistics, the people of Sheol avowed, 
Their own dry climate was better than rainbow and mist and cloud.
                       
                    *          *          *         *          *

9 
Then the days of his torment ended. They called him up from beneath.
He rose with a sneer on his visage—a half-chewed pen in his teeth;
He trampled the amaranth blossoms, the breeze blew cheery and chill.
'What! Work in a perfect climate!' said he, 'I am d—d if I will.
10 
I have lived on the dear old grievance, on Earth, and,—ahem—elsewhere,
At the public meetings down yonder, they vote me into the chair. 
And, further, the principle's rotten. You ask me to sanction it—No! 
As a practical permanent protest, I choose to remain below!'
11 
And the aeons came and departed, and worlds that were young grew old,
And the Stars burnt out into ashes, and the Sun got dingy and cold.
In the nethermost silo of Sheol with pamphlet, oration, and pen
He threshed out the Exodus Question for ever and ever amen!

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Fair Mistress, to my Lasting Sorrow

Fair Mistress,
               To my lasting sorrow,
I learn you leave Lahore tomorrow. 
Conceive my grief (Experto crede) 
I've smashed my master's cart already—
I've bit my syce. Poor consolation,
For your approaching emigration!
And, in my stall, I think with fury 
Of lucky 'tats' in far Mussoorie.
Thrice happy beasts, who have the power
To bear you out to cool Landour.
But, lest their lot should be too pleasant, 
Accept, I pray, my little present.
Spare not to use it when they shirk
(As I have shirked) their daily work
Their ways shall bring you back, may be, 
Some memories of your rides on me:—
Your evening canters down the drear, 
White road that leads to Mian Mir,
When, hat in hand, with loosened rein, 
You 'bucketted' along the plain—
Remember, if a pony rears,
Don't bring the butt down on his ears;
And when he shies (as I have shied), 
A stiff 'rib-bender' on his side
Will keep him straight—These few last lines 
End up my letter—So I signs
Myself, as long as I can go, From heel to headstall, Yours,
                                                                                          'Old Joe'

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Failure

One brought her Fire from a distant place,
And She—what should she know of it?—
She took His offering with the same untroubled look
  Of peace upon her face.
  'And I have brought it of my best,' quoth he, 
'By barren deserts and a frozen land.
What recompense?' She could not understand, 
  But let the bright light be.
  'A kindly gift,' the answer broke at length, 
'A kindly gift. We thank you. What is this 
That fiercer than all household fire is,
  And gathereth in strength?
  Strange fires? Take them hence with you, O sir! 
Presage of coming woe we dimly feel.'
Sudden She crushed the embers 'neath her heel,—
  And all light went with Her.

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The Exiles’ Line

1
Now the new year reviving old desires,
The restless soul to open sea aspires,
    Where the Blue Peter flickers from the fore,
And the grimed stoker feeds the engine-fires. 
2
Coupons, alas, depart with all their rows,
And last year’s sea-met loves where Grindley knows;
     But still the wild wind wakes off Gardafui,
And hearts turn eastward with the P. & O’s. 
3
Twelve knots an hour, be they more or less—
Oh slothful mother of much idleness,
    Whom neither rivals spur nor contracts speed!
Nay, bear us gently! Wherefore need we press? 
4
The Tragedy of all our East is laid
On those white decks beneath the awning shade—
    Birth, absence, longing, laughter, love and tears,
And death unmaking ere the land is made. 
5
And midnight madnesses of souls distraught
Whom the cool seas call through the open port,
    So that the table lacks one place next morn,
And for one forenoon men forego their sport. 
6
The shadow of the rigging to and fro
Sways, shifts, and flickers on the spar-deck’s snow,
    And like a giant trampling in his chains,
The screw-blades gasp and thunder deep below; 
7
And, leagued to watch one flying-fish’s wings,
Heaven stoops to sea, and sea to Heaven clings;
     While, bent upon the ending of his toil,
The hot sun strides, regarding not these things: 
8
For the same wave that meets our stem in spray
Bore Smith of Asia eastward yesterday,
    And Delhi Jones and Brown of Midnapore
To-morrow follow on the self-same way. 
9
Linked in the chain of Empire one by one,
Flushed with long leave, or tanned with many a sun,
     The Exiles’ Line brings out the exiles’ line
And ships them homeward when their work is done. 
10
Yea, heedless of the shuttle through the loom,
The flying keels fulfil the web of doom.
    Sorrow or shouting—what is that to them?
Make out the cheque that pays for cabin room! 
11
And how so many score of times ye flit
With wife and babe and caravan of kit,
     Not all thy travels past shall lower one fare,
Not all thy tears abate one pound of it. 
12
And how so high thine earth-born dignity,
Honour and state, go sink it in the sea,
    Till that great one upon the quarter deck,
Brow-bound with gold, shall give thee leave to be. 
13
Indeed, indeed from that same line we swear
Off for all time, and mean it when we swear;
     And then, and then we meet the Quartered Flag,
And, surely for the last time, pay the fare. 
14
And Green of Kensington, estrayed to view
In three short months the world he never knew,
    Stares with blind eyes upon the Quartered Flag
And sees no more than yellow, red and blue. 
15
But we, the gypsies of the East, but we—
Waifs of the land and wastrels of the sea—
    Come nearer home beneath the Quartered Flag
Than ever home shall come to such as we. 
16
The camp is struck, the bungalow decays,
Dead friends and houses desert mark our ways,
    Till sickness send us down to Prince’s Dock 
To meet the changeless use of many days. 
17
Bound in the wheel of Empire, one by one,
The chain-gangs of the East from sire to son,
    The Exiles’ Line takes out the exiles’ line
And ships them homeward when their work is done. 
18
How runs the old indictment? “Dear and slow,”
So much and twice so much. We gird, but go.
    For all the soul of our sad East is there,
Beneath the house-flag of the P. & O.

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The Excursion

My college cap is perched upon my head,
  My stomach fortified with College dinner,
I wander with both hands coat-pocketed,
  A Lower-Third-form sinner,
Full to the brim of that which boys call cheek, 
  (I think the other name is self-assertion)
Out for a desultory stroll to seek 
  Some method of diversion.  

I chase their stilt-legged offspring from the mares, 
  Hurl sundry rocks at sundry wretched ponies,
Disturb some rodents (which were really hares,
  But verse will have them 'conies;')
Beguiled the sheep with scraps of bread and smiling,
  Then scared their simple souls with stones and sticks:—
A sure and certain method of beguiling
  The time from two to six. 

Watched in the wind the long reeds shake and quiver, 
  Grew cold with watching, therefore watched no more,
Walked till I reached the mud banks on the river, 
  Thence into Appledore. 

The tide was out, the weeds smelt very strongly, 
  And in among the pools the gobies played;
Here asked my way and got directed wrongly 
  By a mischievous maid,
Digging for bait in shortest of short dresses, 
  A tin to capture and a knife to slay,
An old straw hat strapt over sun-bleached tresses 
  With ribbons bleached as they.
I looked sometime and then continued walking, 
  And left her limpet-catching on the beach,
She wasn't pretty and she sniffed while talking, 
  And mixed the parts of speech.
Turning towards the river bank I strayed there 
  For nearly half an hour, found a hut
Some enterprising Colleger had made there, 
  Smashed it for fun, and cut.

Retraced my steps, and reached again the houses
  Where people fold their arms and live at ease,
The streets, where every step an echo rouses, 
  And children swarm like bees.
Got nearly strangled by a damsel skipping
  Who threw some tarry oakum round my throat,
Escaped at length and criticised the shipping,—
  Two colliers and one boat.

Felt hungry, turned towards the College slowly, 
  Thought of my tea, and hurried up a bit,
Refreshed myself, then wrote in rhyme unholy 
  This story:—study it!

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