New Year Resolutions


I am resolved—throughout the year
      To lay my vices on the shelf;
A godly, sober course to steer
      And love my neighbours as myself—
Excepting always two or three
Whom I detest as they hate me.

I am resolved—that whist is low—
      Especially with cards like mine—  
It guts a healthy Bank-book—so
      These earthly pleasures I resign, 
Except—and  here I see no sin— 
When asked by others to 'cut in'.

I am resolved—no  more to dance 
      With ingenues—so help me Venus!
It gives the Chaperone her chance
      For hinting Heaven knows what between us.
The Ballroom and the Altar stand 
Too close in this suspicious land.
(N.B.)   But will I (here ten names) abandon?
             	No, while I have a leg to stand on!

I am resolved—to sell my horses.
      They cannot stay, they will not go; 
They lead me into evil courses
      Wherefore  I mean to part with—No!
Cut out that resolution—I'll
Try Jilt tomorrow on the mile.

I am resolved—to flirt no more,
      It leads to strife and tribulation ; 
Not that I used to flirt before,
      But as a bar against temptation. 
Here I except (cut out the names) 
x perfectly Platonic flames.

I am resolved—to drop my smokes,
      The Trichi has an evil taste.
I cannot buy the brands of Oakes; 
      But, lest I take a step in haste,
And—so upset my health, I choose a
'More perfect way' in pipes and Poosa. 


I am resolved—that vows like these, 
      Though lightly made, are hard to keep;
Wherefore I'll take them by degrees,
      Lest my backslidings make me weep. 
One vow a year will see me through; 
And I'll begin with Number  Two.

Choose another poem