I do believe in Afghan wars (As far away as Peshin is) I love to stick them in because Deception most refreshin' is. And thirteen hundred copies mean, Just thirteen hundred lies you see, And other papers think we've been No end informed and wise you see. I do believe in 'frontier news' At least cum grano salis, As giving scope to Wheeler's views Who my eternal pal is And anything conducive to A 'scrap' with 'frontier gup' in it Would make us most abusive to All papers less well up in it. I do believe the C.M.G. The type of all perfection And other papers mostly be In need of much correction I do believe the native press A sink of all that vicious is, And each 'babu 'in English dress A 'darn side' too officious is. I do believe the British Press Are censors of morality Collectively, but none the less Imply their deep rascality. I do believe commandments ten To keep one should endeavour At least, all unofficial men But viceroys—hardly ever. I do believe in Earthquake shakes And tickets compliment'ry The one at least a column makes The other free-seat entry. If any foolish Briton du'st Loose captives from captivity I do believe each journal must Incontinently give it he. I do believe in tiger skins From fourteen feet to twenty At least when for my many sins Mail items aren't in plenty. I do believe in 'monster' leaps By 'liliputian' horses And dig out 'flying shots' in heaps From 'most authentic sources' I do believe the scissors are The world's most sure foundation And pasting paragraphs by far The finest occupation, I do believe that naught too low Or high for daily grist is— I think the Bible's true—I know The Indian Civil List is.