A Cousin’s Christmas Card

The cousin premises of the beauty of his poem
As coming from an Eastern Land,
I'd have the cousins understand,
'Tis absolutely stiff with speeches,
An Eastern printing office teaches,
And rich with Hindu mystery
In Tamil, Urdu and Hindi.

and of its extreme subtilty in parts
For instance—when the loathsome 'tar'
Calls the 'chuprassi' from afar
And at your 'hookum' swift he goes
A 'tunda moorghie'—minus clothes
Across the 'maidan's' icy space
With 'kummels' clouted round his face.
     This to the English mind—I'm sure—
     Might seem a little bit obscure 
     But to this Anglo-Indian one  
     It shows his labour is begun.

and continues his tale yet further in mystic wise
Moreover, when the 'admis' sit
With Rook-ud-din's most greasy 'chit'
And to your 'Kia hai' some grunter
Growls 'Gurebpurwar Jawab Munta',
     This to the cousins might indeed
     Appear a jabberwocky screed:
     But to the tortured Rudyard's soul
     It shows his foreman's in a hole.

and with a display of great wisdom in his poesie.
And further—when all work is 'chuck'
And boss and 'stunt' sit round & 'buck'
And through the 'chics' the 'tattoos' neigh
Comes clearly from the near 'Serai',
Then rising cry we 'Syce bolow'
Snatch up 'terais' and 'Juldee Jao'.
     This may appear—but I'm resolved
     It shall not seem the least involved
     And so I tell you, for your knowing
     These six lines show the staff when going.

Yet once more—by the 'chillag's' light
When 'wallahs' wake you in the night
With 'Hakim Sahib ke gher khan hai
Memsahib bemar'— and you reply
Half wakened 'Memsahib bahut bemar
Tomara pahs nehai sowar'.
     This in a London city read
     Would prove the poet off his head
     But in an Anglo Indian station
     It means—increase of population.