A Song of Addresses

(Dedicated, without permission, to the Calcutta Municipality).

We represent the Ward of Bow Bazar! 
  We're the dolphins of the Hugli  on the roll!
We're the crests of Kinchinjunga, we're the sons of Holy Gunga 
  And we come to guide Your Lordship's infant soul!
(CHORUS) They're the pinks of Ooltadunga,   they're the pearls of Holy Gunga,
                      And they'll edify His Lordship's simple soul!

You will please to take your orders, Sir, from us, 
  You will kindly let us warn you of your slips,
As the stewards tried and trusty of the sewage-sodden busti
  You will reverence the wisdom of our lips.
(CHORUS)   He will learn to govern nations through their lucid lucubrations,
                      Who will jump upon his stomach if he trips.

We're your festive fellow-subjects. Hariji!  
  We're a fid of every 'longshore breed and clique—
From the quite-played-out Caucasian to the Jew and the Eurasian 
  And the Chinaman, Armenian and Greek.
(CHORUS) He will gaze upon the faces of his fellow-subject races, 
                      And will bow before their fine unblushing cheek.

We're the rocket-politicans of Bengal,
  We're the patent gas and atmospheric ram!
We're the Product nickel-plated of a postulate misstated, 
  And an Aspinal-enamel- painted sham!
(CHORUS) Yes, a paralytic camel done with Aspinal enamel 
                      And a dangerous and homicidal sham.

But we'll teach you how to govern as you ought 
  From  Peshawur to the Coromandel main.
We will all instruct Your Lordship in the duties of your wardship,
  And will regulate the measures of your reign.
(CHORUS) They will first expound his duty from Peshawur unto Ooty'  
                      And then, perhaps, will flush a city drain.

                      (GENERAL CHORUS)

When they've pointed out the path he ought to tread, 
  And declared their views on Franchise and Reform,
They may rinse a reeking kintal,they may even dare to hint all 
  Their roads are not unflooded after storm.
They may mulct in more than lucre gowlis thrice convict of phuka
  And may segregate their lepers in a gaum.
But at present they're explaining the Entire Art of Reigning 
  To the trumpet and the cymbal and the shawm.

                      (ENCORE VERSE)

When the Eatanswill of Asia knows its place
And the value of each copper Pott and Slurk,
It  may drop unbalanced  bluster for the jaroo` and the duster—
It may even—settle down to do its work!

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