A Job Lot

‘The present Commander-in-Chief in India is a fine soldier,
who has earned the national gratitude by his public services,
and endeared himself to the Army by his untiring devotion
to its interests. But among the penalties of Sir Frederick
Robertsí exalted position is the control of a vast patronage,
and this it is impossible to deny is not always so disposed
as to disarm unfriendly criticism, and to secure for his bestowals
that unfailing respect which is so desirable.’—Vide Pioneer yesterday.

‘She was bland, passionate and deeply religious, painted
in water–colours, was first cousin to Lady Jones, and
of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.’

They really were most merciful
  They praised his winning ways
His little feet that merrily
  Trip on from baize to bays.
They glorified the new canteen.
  They called him "Tommy's Pride",
But O they said his patronage
  Was sometimes misapplied...

They passaged all about the faceó
  Right shoulder out and inó
They did their very best to save
  Hós Exóllóy's skin.
They sandwiched smack and blandishment
  Like best Italian ice:
But still they drew attention to
  That too notorious vice.

They hemmed and hawed, they sidled off
  They sidled up again.
One hand upon the laurelled head,
  The other on the cane.
And while he heard with sweet content
  The praise that was his due.
On legs that never fled the fray
  Whish fell the big bamboo.

And through the sighing deodarsó
  A little whisper stole.
"Why, for the quadrilateral man
  Select the roundest hole;
And wherefore thrust the polygon
  Into the crescent's curve,
Since other folk have other eyes,
  And other eyes observe ?

Perpend, retreat, refrain, reform
  O man of Kandahar,
For even pocket-Wellingtons
  May carry things too far.
We cannot judge the influence.
  The face alone we see.
And if the Póór is wrath,
  Oh Lord what must you be.

 (Chorus)

We've heard it before, but we'll drink once more,
  While the Army sniffs and sobs
For Bobs its pride, who has lately died,
  And is now succeeded by Jobs.